Archives for category: freedom

I would guess that I’m not alone when at times I feel like a nobody.  I would assume many feel the same way at times. Today I was having one of those days. I was having thoughts which led to some very unpleasant feelings. I felt like I was a failure, living a mediocre life (a failure), not living up to my potential (a failure), aging, single, nobody notices me (a failure) the list goes on…One habit I know I need to change is checking social media so often. It actually makes me feel bad but I keep doing it. Like picking a sore hangnail, that type of thing. It hurts, but you keep doing it.

Anyway…..I KNEW I needed to sit. In meditation that is. Sit on my pillow, quiet my mind, quiet my thoughts. I knew I had a heavy heart and felt some anger when I woke up. Angry at feeling like a failure, anger about feeling like a martyr about some things in my life. I walked around this way for the first 4 hours!  I finally was able to sit. It was only for 5 minutes, that’s all the time I had. In that 5 minutes, my anger immediately transformed into actual chemical form and came out of my body as tears. I felt so much better, lighter and happier just after 5 minutes. I felt better but still felt a bit small, my life felt small.

When I was able to finally sit for 20 minutes I could feel all the sadness and smallness clear away. All the negative and lower energy just got transmuted and I was able to resonate with the finer, higher subtle energies. I mediated until I was sitting in nothingness and “I “was no longer important. The light flowing in me, around me and as me I suppose, was amazing. I guess you could say my ego was gone and my little world and feeling like a big nothing had been transformed and I was now in reality, in the nothingness of it all.

I heard once that planet Earth is the planet of suffering. I believe it is true. I also believe you can mediate and wake up and overcome much of the suffering. When you’re able to do this, your job here is done. You’ve completed your biggest mission, to wake up from the dream. But there are no free lunches, you must earn everything.  It’s a daily practice, a daily discipline. Constantly. Letting. Go.

I hope this helped to remind someone of the work, that it works and that it’s important.

I am cleansed of the debris that no longer belongs to me. And. So. Can. You.

~Jillpexels-photo.jpg

 

 

Unknown

I have a relationship, or I should say, a relationship has me. 9 years ago I met a man and our journey began. It started with sweetness, joy, desire, chemistry and all that good stuff that is required for THE bond to happen. A few months into the relationship I started getting upset and triggered ALOT. He was attentive to me in bed but not outside of bed as much as I needed. We had the right ingredients for the bedroom but the wrong ingredients for daily living. He was a bit shut down and I required a lot (from not getting love and attention from my father). Needless to say, it was a challenging combo. But we hung in there! For 8 years were were off and on. We continually tried to hit our heads on the wall and make it work, put a square peg into a round hole, therapy, energy work, you name it, we did it. We fought to stay together. I started to get anxiety, insomnia, I started feeling powerless and worn out. I finally took these messages from my body as it was where I was not supposed to be. Breaking up with him for once and for all has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Letting go of love is not easy. I don’t know if it was a ‘healthy’ love but it was love as I knew it and when it was good, it felt so good. But when it was not, it hurt badly and consumed my life.  I am now going into my 2 year of the breakup and there are times when I miss him so much it hurts physically. Especially when certain things remind me of him, places or things….then the pain begins. It all starts in my mind. I let my mind go to the past of the good times, to the future of what could have been, I beat myself up saying if I had better role models when I was a kid I could have done the relationship better. From there, my mind becomes a downward spiral and magnetizes more negative thoughts. Well yesterday I reached out to him. Whenever I do, I just feel worse. And when I went to bed, I had such a bad dream about us. I was at his house and he told me that before I come in he had to hide things that his current girlfriend had around. He said she threw a baby shower for one of his cousins and there were some of the gift bags in his kitchen. He went on to tell me that since I was basically such a difficult girlfriend, he couldn’t ever take me around his family and that’s why I didn’t know he had this cousin. In my dream, I could feel my body having the same reaction I used to have frequently in real life. I left his house very upset but before I did he reminded me, “I”m done and your done!” I woke up from my dream and just felt horrible. My eyes and the rest of my body showed the effects of the stress in my dream. Thank God I have meditation as a daily practice. This morning I really got to put it to the test. I know that meditation transforms our energies from lower ones to higher ones. In my mediation I could see and feel that all my energies were in the past and that was causing me pain. I also noticed I had a huge block in my heart chakra that was causing me tremendous pain and energy drains. I just noticed the stuck energy, I just sat with it. Almost like a child, sometimes all they need is your Presence and loving attention. I gave myself the Presence and attention I needed through awareness. The blocks cleared, my energies balanced and I consciously and subconsciously came fully into the present moment. I came out of my meditation excited about this day and what I have to offer the world today. I also recommitted to living my new life with me fully present, involved and open. It’s an amazing thing, that we truly hold the key to our pain and to our freedom.

Check out my new book, available on Amazon, which is filed with insights and affirmations. Alchemy through the art of mediation. 11222075_10152992013592854_1527606430159264412_n

With much, much pure LOVE,

Jill P. Thomas