putting-out-a-fire This was the image that came to me while I was meditating today. I was being challenged on every level possible. It’s time for my overly priced lease renewal for my apartment, do I stay or do I go? I went to a new hairdresser and she went over all my lovely gold highlights with an ash color. Ugh. I’m PMSing. And my mom (at age 68) is going through another turbulent situation. She’s getting divorced from her lesbian wife who used to be in jail, and now they may get back together. (I’m used to this stuff with her but it still can stir things up in me if I’m not totally grounded and centered.)

A couple things I’ve noticed about being involved in your own evolution process and being aware; is you take responsibility, you don’t blame others. You can’t.  It kind of sucks that you can’t blame others anymore.But when you’re awake, it definitely is a more positive than a negative… because it’s more empowering.

I knew I was irritable and emotional, I wanted to blame others BUT I knew, everything begins and ends with me. I couldn’t wait to get on ass on my mediation cushion and quiet my damn mind down. The interesting thing is I kept dilly dallying instead of just sitting down. It seems when we’re caught in a negative space, our behavior leans more towards self destruction and it’s hard to self care and that’s when we need it the most. In the last 12 hrs I did many, many non self caring and self loving things. I ate 3 squares of chocolate for breakfast, I texted while driving, I was rude to my mom, I didn’t pack food for myself for the day. I notice that when I hurt, I can have the tendency to hurt myself more. Human nature is interesting. And so is self love and self care. I had the ah ha today that I’m a recovering self hater. I used to be at war with myself for many, many years. I didn’t like how I looked when I was a kid. I thought I was too chubby, not pretty enough, weird and just different from everyone else. I remember going through times in my early 20’s when my self care was binging on ice cream or candy bars and crying in my car feeling lost. I am so incredibly deeply grateful that those ways no longer are with me. I am also so deeply grateful that I have learned how to care for and love myself. It’s been decades in the making. Meditation has been the corner stone of my healing. It has helped me to feel at home in my skin and to quiet down the war inside of me. It surfaces from time to time but I get myself to yoga and onto my meditation mat ASAP.

It is my desire to help young girls or anyone struggling with self love, self acceptance and self care. I know I can help, I’ve been there, I know it very well and I know how to come out of it to the other side. Maybe one day I’ll figure out how to help those in need. For now, I write and take care of myself so I can take care of my little corner of the world and all those who are in it.

IamSo, the last few days I’ve been in a slumpy place. It started with not the best self care…stayed up too late and gave away too much of my energy. Boundaries and self care; something I continue to work on. Anyway, all that caused me to feel depressed, lose my mojo (which is everything!) and I was just off. Then I did something, something very, very simple which caused me to release the weight that was on my soul. I had a quick thought that life is supposed to be joyous and not heavy, and I desperately wanted to feel better, now! The next second, these words came to me, “I AM”.  I immediately started to feel lighter and more energy came into me. It was so miraculous. I said it a few more times in my head, quietly to myself. I have often heard that these are powerful words and I know get it. What was going on in those moments of the shift in my mind and spirit was that I realized ‘I am and that is enough.’ I am, and that is enough, really get that. It is simple and profound.

I hadn’t realized how hard I was being on myself, even though it was subtle messages to myself. Was I good enough at work, will I ever love again, am I losing my feminine nature because I’m increasing my strength as a woman in business, am I not sexy anymore because I’m not making love, am I looking and feeling old, am I chubby? Whew, no wonder I felt weighed down. The words of ‘I am’, cleared me. So I  decided to write and share about this shift. Not sure how many people read my blog but if this technique could help one person feel better or get some relief, then it’s worth my while.

By the way, I even had an underlying sense of anxiety because I didn’t know when the bad feeling would end. The ‘I am’ and the exploration into the combination of those words lifted the anxiety too.

We MUST be our biggest cheerleaders, our own biggest fans. We are with ourselves forever, our relationship with ourself is one of thee most important you’ll ever have.

Word play for you, have fun and make it work for you! Here’s my wordplay.

I am:

good enough

a child of God

good at what I do

loved and loving

I am is a complete sentence in itself and it is also the start of a sentence. I invite to play with it, don’t think, your inner guidance will tell you what to say in regards to it. And try to feel the energy of it sink into you.

I wish you much love and peace. Be still and know.

Jill

Unknown-2 Unknown-3 Unknown-1Is technology truly advancing us?

#Technologyhangover

The answer to my own question is NO, if it’s overused. I believe I have a techno hangover. I find myself, and I’m sure many others, overusing this meant to be ‘tool’ as a past time. We waste precious time (which can’t be taken back) by spending wasted time on the computer and our phones. Technology was designed as a data and communication tool, but has become an addiction. Some may feel they are actually being productive playing games, posting photos (I’m guilty too) but it’s a mirage, smoke and mirrors. A brief high. The computer can suck away our intellect by making un-wise time management choices and looking up things that we already know to be true hence diminishing our intellect and intuition. I recently removed Facebook & Instagram from my phone because my frontal brain lobe was actually hurting. I’m very intune with my body and know when something is not right. I was getting addicted. How did I know? I was checking the damn thing all the time, checking how many likes my posts had. One day I was disgusted with myself. I thought, is my mind so boring that I need these 2 Apps to entertain myself? Do I need that much validation that I need to share a photo of my quinoa and broccoli with people I don’t even know? And the people I know, probably don’t even care….but they all ‘Liked’ it!

I want to just be where I am, just doing what I’m doing, like the olden days. I’m going to try it and see how it goes. So far, it’s good, my brain doesn’t hurt any longer from all the short term attention spans I was giving it. It was almost like electrical shock waves. I really think the brain is designed for longer attention spans. My mind feels good when I meditate, when I read, when I have a deep conversation, when I write, have a deep connection with someone…things of that nature.

I had a babysitter come over and I asked if she wanted a book or a magazine, she said, “No, I have my phone.” It’s so rare to see people read these days! When I’m done with this blog, I’ll be reading my book. Today, I saw my 10 year old enjoying Sidney Sheldon’s, Where The Sidewalk Ends and I thought, wow, what a lost art. My daughter reads and writes….it’s so ancient, so beautiful, so connected, so intelligent, so pure and so powerful. She and I remain each others teachers.

Peace be still.

~Jill

Negative thoughts and self care & self preservation

Negative thoughts in our consciousness must IMMEDIATELY be uprooted before they go deep enough to disturb out peace. Peace is everything. Protect it. You are worth it.

So, today I REALLY wanted to meditate but had absolutely no time. My first appointment where I had to be somewhere was 6am, it was a very, very full day. It was now 5 in the afternoon and my daughters friend was over for a play date. If it’s just my daughter I can easily escape for a 20 minute session. But with a play date, I wasn’t comfortable with that.  To add to the somewhat sensation of overwhelm they started making a mess, as kids do. I kept trying to pick up after them but just as I was done with one mess, a new one was forming. Truth be told,  I’m the type of parent, their joy is first and cleaning up comes second. (Unless I’m stressed out! 🙂 I said to myself, if I can’t meditate or control the mess I can at least just sit on the couch. And I did that. I just sat. And I breathed. And I looked around. And I got centered. Ahhh, it felt soooo good. After a short while I decided to try something new. I said I will meditate while I clean! And I started putting things away and back in their place while being aware of my breath and enjoying the joy of the kids and the gift of life.  So, I got my meditation in…somewhat…in a new way. 🙂

So tonight when I told my daughter (for the 3rd time or so) it was time for bed, she got upset and wouldn’t listen. She wanted to keep doing what she was doing because she felt it was more important than going to bed. (She made whipped cream and was still playing around with it.) She raised her voice a bit and stormed off (at least it was to brush her teeth). I could hear her brushing really, really vigorously. I guess she was trying her best to deal with herself and the negative energy she had created. Her brush hit her gum very hard and she started crying. I wasn’t surprised that there was a new drama born out of the on going one, it usually works that way. I got a bit sucked into the drama and felt angry, disrespected, etc. I did however comfort her when she got hurt, even though the hurt was self induced. When we went into her bedroom the drama continued, the crying, the pity party, “I can’t do anything right, no one likes me…” and on and on and on. Parenting does have it’s challenges doesn’t it? My first response was to put her on punishment as a result of her behavior. The energy of us was opponents. I’m the adult and I’m gonna handle this the good old fashioned way. Let me say, I’m a meditator and energy worker and I didn’t like how I FELT about the entire dynamic. It didn’t feel effective and something just felt off to me. So, I quieted my mind, relaxed my body and intended to really feel into what was going on.  I could see right away what was really going on. She was scared that she was in trouble. So, she created a huge decoy disguised as drama. I’m so grateful I saw this otherwise we would have been up very late with too many words and tears and who can sleep when they’re so upset?  I like my child to go to bed happy so she can meet her world the next day with the best version of herself. So, I asked her if she’s scared that she’s in trouble? She said, yes. I rubbed her little head and told her she wasn’t. Huge shift. Her tears and drama immediately stopped. She said, “I’m not, are you sure?” I reassured her that she wasn’t. I also told her I can see that some things need to change though and I’m the adult and it’s my responsibility to make the appropriate changes and rules in order for you to get to bed in time to wake up refreshed and on time for school.  I told her all baking needs to be done on a non-school night as well as any screen time. We hugged, we read a sweet book, did some deep breathing exercises to clear her mind and she fell asleep. Tomorrow will have it’s new set of challenges, (or some reoccurring ones), but when we take a deep breath and do our best to handle it from a high place, I believe we create a lot of light, move through it much quicker and are more effective.

I do hope this was of some help to someone out there.

Peace & blessings. Jill

It’s so interesting, my quest, like many others I assume, is/has been the quest for spirituality. During my quest for ‘spirituality’, a term loosely used by many, I’ve come to realize, what I really was searching for was my true essence and feeling a strong connection with that and therefore feeling comfortable in my own skin so I could connect with the powers that be…and therefore, shine, understand life and live a purposeful and joyful life. During my search I’ve pretty much mastered the art of mediation and I’ve learned about the chakra system and became an energy healer. I’m now going to talk about the chakra system. Many may think that the upper chakras are more important. But let me tell you, they are set up how they are for a reason, like everything in life. Let me break it down this way: It’s hard to feel connected to the vastness of the whole and feel empowered  if you don’t have a place to lay your head or knowing where your next meal will come from. You see, our 1st chakra is how we connect with the earth and connecting with the earth is as important as connecting to the heavens. You MUST feel safe and a sense of belonging, this is a form of power. I can’t emphasis enough how being strongly grounded is the basis for a strong and balanced spiritual practice and practical life. When we are connected to the earth we are logical, we are capable, we can respond to life as life calls upon us. The 2nd chakra helps us to feel the sensuality of this material world. Believe it or not, when you see a beautiful flower or sunset, your 2nd chakra is connected with that. The 3rd chakra helps us to shine out who we are and pull in the radiance that vibes with us. The 4th chakra connects the lower and upper chakras. When our heart is open, people feel warmth just being around us. (This is good for our immune system.) This is the bridge between the material/physical world and the higher realms of consciousness. Now don’t get me wrong, the upper chakras are equally important, in fact, they are magical. To me it’s where out super powers come in. But for your system to be totally effective all the chakras need to be balanced and open. The 5th chakra is our power center of creating what we want. As we speak, we create. The 6th is our 3rd eye chakra, our inner seeing. It helps us to see things as they really are, not as they appear. the crown chakra or the 7th chakra is our connection to the Divine, to the heavens, to our higher selves. The chakra system  is designed as a fountain that runs upwards, each one needing eachother. I believe a balanced brain helps to create and maintain a balanced system. However an energy or chakra balancing session can help to get you back on track.

I am going to share now what happens to me when my 1st chakra isn’t balanced. I feel unsafe, scared, a bit jittery, not relaxed and maybe some anxiety…not fun! In the last 48 hrs something took place that has kind of swept me off my feet sort of speak. Now that I’m an energy healer I know which chakra is off in myself. Since I’ve been ungrounded I cut my finger (cut right through my nail) while chopping carrots, dropped a book on my foot (the corner of it hit the tender, delicate part of the top of my foot), and hurt my hands in 2 spots. It’s not fun for me not to be grounded, i’m not myself and I loose my power or my footing you could say. So, let me warn you, when you don’t feel grounded, please stop and breathe and GO SLOWLY. Life can be dangerous in this state of ungroundedness. Today I had time to go to my Bikram Yoga class, take a hot epsom salt bath, read a spiritually uplifting book, slow down and just take good care of myself. I needed that and I’m starting to feel a bit more like myself. I have tremendous compassion for people who’s energy can get out of whack, especially if they have no one to call upon as sometimes that happens to me. Life is basically an eco system and for me, the most important thing is that my body stays in balance so I can thrive.

I hope this can be of help. If it can help at least one person, I’ve done my job of sharing. My intention to help others from what I’ve learned. We all help each other.

Please don’t hesitate to write if you have questions or comments.
With tremendous gratitude,

Jill

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