Archives for posts with tag: God

Relationship status: complicated. For most of my adult life, this has been my relationship status. Thank God Facebook came up with that option because.. #relateable! Anyway, back to the title. As a child I longed for and yearned painfully for my dads attention. I thought it was my oxygen, I literally felt like I was choking without it, dying inside. Unnoticed. The meaning I made; unnoticed = worthless. Poor guy was addicted to drugs and alcohol so he couldn’t be present. It had nothing to do with me but at the time I didn’t know that.
As a young adult, oh the choices I made from a worthless place….not good! But we won’t get into all that because I was a different person back then.

As I started to have relationships with men, I first thought if a man is jealous then that must mean he really loves me! It felt like an intense form of attention but shortly realized I felt smothered. My first 2 significant relationships were with tremendously jealous men. I had a couple relationships after that that were healthier but still lacked in many important areas. Now I’m single and 47 and find my inner child still longing for attention from a man. I’m not going to deny it, I maybe scarred but no longer blind to it. I now have a healthy remedy. Meditation. I’m very grateful that I developed this strong practice which helps me connect to God, my Maker. The Heavenly Father. I realize that I have God’s attention and He has mine. With that relationship comes so much goodness! Wholeness, health, peace, blessings of all sorts, the list can go on. I think you get the idea. I felt moved to share this with anyone else out there longing for a mate, attention, etc. Having God’s attention and vise versa is where you want to be! I know my right relationship is in the future making it’s way to me and me to it but in the meantime, I’m good. I’m content. And when I’m not, I remember the Truth and I sit.

photo of person covered with brown textile

Photo by Noelle Otto on

, I don’t own a scale because my clothes tell me the truth. I eat healthy (Whatever that means…I recently found out that dark chocolate before yoga is good for you.) and exercise. Like serious exercise, Bikram yoga with insane teachers who think 115 degrees isn’t hot..3 x’s per week. You get the picture, I have many healthy habits. But my belly started to get my attention as it became more noticeable and in the way. It was actually distracting during Yoga, I’m thinking WTF? How and where did that come from? And how long has it been here? Kind of like it just formed over night. Then, the jeans were tight. That was it, tight jeans made my mind feel tight and pissed off. How could “I”, I thought, have tight jeans. WTF? Oh, maybe my butt and legs are getting more toned from all this yoga. Sounded good but I wasn’t buying my minds trickery. And then I realized that I had been feeling kind of down in the dumps, just not myself. Heavy thoughts, my levity had been gone. Prior to that I had to end a relationship that was very dear and special to me. Since I believe, and know that consciousness comes before form, I realized that the weight must be a result of emotional baggage. Prior to this awareness or remembrance, I was going to try to diet. Something I hadn’t done since the 80’s when diets were fad. And I felt pissed off that “I” had to diet. I do not like any form of deprivation, it feels so restrictive, kind of like my jeans. All of me, likes to be free….as all of us, it’s our birth right. Back to the point, once I realized it’s not a diet I need, it’s a letting go. A letting go of guilt, sadness, anger, disappointment, confusions, trying to figure it all out, etc. In yoga today I had tears and I knew they were tears of the energetic weight on my shoulders. And, that energetic weight manifested on my hips and belly. I was soooo grateful for the tears (they were hidden behind the sweat, thank God!) because I knew a release was happening, a letting go. And interestingly enough, I am now inspired to de-clutter my apartment. It was all tied together as everything is. So, I will leave you with this: Is there anything you need to do first in consciousness before ‘will’? I guarantee you, the results will be more swift and effortless. With tons of love and light, Jill

*Please note, I think beauty and God comes in ALL forms. But for me, I know my ideal weight and I know when I’m carrying a burden. I’m an energy worker so I’m very in touch with my body. Thank you for reading. Feel free to ask questions re spirituality, parenting, nutrition, relaxation, travel, etc. I will give you my humble opinion. And if it resonates, great!