Archives for posts with tag: meditation

Relationship status: complicated. For most of my adult life, this has been my relationship status. Thank God Facebook came up with that option because.. #relateable! Anyway, back to the title. As a child I longed for and yearned painfully for my dads attention. I thought it was my oxygen, I literally felt like I was choking without it, dying inside. Unnoticed. The meaning I made; unnoticed = worthless. Poor guy was addicted to drugs and alcohol so he couldn’t be present. It had nothing to do with me but at the time I didn’t know that.
As a young adult, oh the choices I made from a worthless place….not good! But we won’t get into all that because I was a different person back then.

As I started to have relationships with men, I first thought if a man is jealous then that must mean he really loves me! It felt like an intense form of attention but shortly realized I felt smothered. My first 2 significant relationships were with tremendously jealous men. I had a couple relationships after that that were healthier but still lacked in many important areas. Now I’m single and 47 and find my inner child still longing for attention from a man. I’m not going to deny it, I maybe scarred but no longer blind to it. I now have a healthy remedy. Meditation. I’m very grateful that I developed this strong practice which helps me connect to God, my Maker. The Heavenly Father. I realize that I have God’s attention and He has mine. With that relationship comes so much goodness! Wholeness, health, peace, blessings of all sorts, the list can go on. I think you get the idea. I felt moved to share this with anyone else out there longing for a mate, attention, etc. Having God’s attention and vise versa is where you want to be! I know my right relationship is in the future making it’s way to me and me to it but in the meantime, I’m good. I’m content. And when I’m not, I remember the Truth and I sit.

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Photo by Noelle Otto on Pexels.com

I would guess that I’m not alone when at times I feel like a nobody.  I would assume many feel the same way at times. Today I was having one of those days. I was having thoughts which led to some very unpleasant feelings. I felt like I was a failure, living a mediocre life (a failure), not living up to my potential (a failure), aging, single, nobody notices me (a failure) the list goes on…One habit I know I need to change is checking social media so often. It actually makes me feel bad but I keep doing it. Like picking a sore hangnail, that type of thing. It hurts, but you keep doing it.

Anyway…..I KNEW I needed to sit. In meditation that is. Sit on my pillow, quiet my mind, quiet my thoughts. I knew I had a heavy heart and felt some anger when I woke up. Angry at feeling like a failure, anger about feeling like a martyr about some things in my life. I walked around this way for the first 4 hours!  I finally was able to sit. It was only for 5 minutes, that’s all the time I had. In that 5 minutes, my anger immediately transformed into actual chemical form and came out of my body as tears. I felt so much better, lighter and happier just after 5 minutes. I felt better but still felt a bit small, my life felt small.

When I was able to finally sit for 20 minutes I could feel all the sadness and smallness clear away. All the negative and lower energy just got transmuted and I was able to resonate with the finer, higher subtle energies. I mediated until I was sitting in nothingness and “I “was no longer important. The light flowing in me, around me and as me I suppose, was amazing. I guess you could say my ego was gone and my little world and feeling like a big nothing had been transformed and I was now in reality, in the nothingness of it all.

I heard once that planet Earth is the planet of suffering. I believe it is true. I also believe you can mediate and wake up and overcome much of the suffering. When you’re able to do this, your job here is done. You’ve completed your biggest mission, to wake up from the dream. But there are no free lunches, you must earn everything.  It’s a daily practice, a daily discipline. Constantly. Letting. Go.

I hope this helped to remind someone of the work, that it works and that it’s important.

I am cleansed of the debris that no longer belongs to me. And. So. Can. You.

~Jillpexels-photo.jpg

 

 

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I have a relationship, or I should say, a relationship has me. 9 years ago I met a man and our journey began. It started with sweetness, joy, desire, chemistry and all that good stuff that is required for THE bond to happen. A few months into the relationship I started getting upset and triggered ALOT. He was attentive to me in bed but not outside of bed as much as I needed. We had the right ingredients for the bedroom but the wrong ingredients for daily living. He was a bit shut down and I required a lot (from not getting love and attention from my father). Needless to say, it was a challenging combo. But we hung in there! For 8 years were were off and on. We continually tried to hit our heads on the wall and make it work, put a square peg into a round hole, therapy, energy work, you name it, we did it. We fought to stay together. I started to get anxiety, insomnia, I started feeling powerless and worn out. I finally took these messages from my body as it was where I was not supposed to be. Breaking up with him for once and for all has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Letting go of love is not easy. I don’t know if it was a ‘healthy’ love but it was love as I knew it and when it was good, it felt so good. But when it was not, it hurt badly and consumed my life.  I am now going into my 2 year of the breakup and there are times when I miss him so much it hurts physically. Especially when certain things remind me of him, places or things….then the pain begins. It all starts in my mind. I let my mind go to the past of the good times, to the future of what could have been, I beat myself up saying if I had better role models when I was a kid I could have done the relationship better. From there, my mind becomes a downward spiral and magnetizes more negative thoughts. Well yesterday I reached out to him. Whenever I do, I just feel worse. And when I went to bed, I had such a bad dream about us. I was at his house and he told me that before I come in he had to hide things that his current girlfriend had around. He said she threw a baby shower for one of his cousins and there were some of the gift bags in his kitchen. He went on to tell me that since I was basically such a difficult girlfriend, he couldn’t ever take me around his family and that’s why I didn’t know he had this cousin. In my dream, I could feel my body having the same reaction I used to have frequently in real life. I left his house very upset but before I did he reminded me, “I”m done and your done!” I woke up from my dream and just felt horrible. My eyes and the rest of my body showed the effects of the stress in my dream. Thank God I have meditation as a daily practice. This morning I really got to put it to the test. I know that meditation transforms our energies from lower ones to higher ones. In my mediation I could see and feel that all my energies were in the past and that was causing me pain. I also noticed I had a huge block in my heart chakra that was causing me tremendous pain and energy drains. I just noticed the stuck energy, I just sat with it. Almost like a child, sometimes all they need is your Presence and loving attention. I gave myself the Presence and attention I needed through awareness. The blocks cleared, my energies balanced and I consciously and subconsciously came fully into the present moment. I came out of my meditation excited about this day and what I have to offer the world today. I also recommitted to living my new life with me fully present, involved and open. It’s an amazing thing, that we truly hold the key to our pain and to our freedom.

Check out my new book, available on Amazon, which is filed with insights and affirmations. Alchemy through the art of mediation. 11222075_10152992013592854_1527606430159264412_n

With much, much pure LOVE,

Jill P. Thomas

putting-out-a-fire This was the image that came to me while I was meditating today. I was being challenged on every level possible. It’s time for my overly priced lease renewal for my apartment, do I stay or do I go? I went to a new hairdresser and she went over all my lovely gold highlights with an ash color. Ugh. I’m PMSing. And my mom (at age 68) is going through another turbulent situation. She’s getting divorced from her lesbian wife who used to be in jail, and now they may get back together. (I’m used to this stuff with her but it still can stir things up in me if I’m not totally grounded and centered.)

A couple things I’ve noticed about being involved in your own evolution process and being aware; is you take responsibility, you don’t blame others. You can’t.  It kind of sucks that you can’t blame others anymore.But when you’re awake, it definitely is a more positive than a negative… because it’s more empowering.

I knew I was irritable and emotional, I wanted to blame others BUT I knew, everything begins and ends with me. I couldn’t wait to get on ass on my mediation cushion and quiet my damn mind down. The interesting thing is I kept dilly dallying instead of just sitting down. It seems when we’re caught in a negative space, our behavior leans more towards self destruction and it’s hard to self care and that’s when we need it the most. In the last 12 hrs I did many, many non self caring and self loving things. I ate 3 squares of chocolate for breakfast, I texted while driving, I was rude to my mom, I didn’t pack food for myself for the day. I notice that when I hurt, I can have the tendency to hurt myself more. Human nature is interesting. And so is self love and self care. I had the ah ha today that I’m a recovering self hater. I used to be at war with myself for many, many years. I didn’t like how I looked when I was a kid. I thought I was too chubby, not pretty enough, weird and just different from everyone else. I remember going through times in my early 20’s when my self care was binging on ice cream or candy bars and crying in my car feeling lost. I am so incredibly deeply grateful that those ways no longer are with me. I am also so deeply grateful that I have learned how to care for and love myself. It’s been decades in the making. Meditation has been the corner stone of my healing. It has helped me to feel at home in my skin and to quiet down the war inside of me. It surfaces from time to time but I get myself to yoga and onto my meditation mat ASAP.

It is my desire to help young girls or anyone struggling with self love, self acceptance and self care. I know I can help, I’ve been there, I know it very well and I know how to come out of it to the other side. Maybe one day I’ll figure out how to help those in need. For now, I write and take care of myself so I can take care of my little corner of the world and all those who are in it.

Unknown-2 Unknown-3 Unknown-1Is technology truly advancing us?

#Technologyhangover

The answer to my own question is NO, if it’s overused. I believe I have a techno hangover. I find myself, and I’m sure many others, overusing this meant to be ‘tool’ as a past time. We waste precious time (which can’t be taken back) by spending wasted time on the computer and our phones. Technology was designed as a data and communication tool, but has become an addiction. Some may feel they are actually being productive playing games, posting photos (I’m guilty too) but it’s a mirage, smoke and mirrors. A brief high. The computer can suck away our intellect by making un-wise time management choices and looking up things that we already know to be true hence diminishing our intellect and intuition. I recently removed Facebook & Instagram from my phone because my frontal brain lobe was actually hurting. I’m very intune with my body and know when something is not right. I was getting addicted. How did I know? I was checking the damn thing all the time, checking how many likes my posts had. One day I was disgusted with myself. I thought, is my mind so boring that I need these 2 Apps to entertain myself? Do I need that much validation that I need to share a photo of my quinoa and broccoli with people I don’t even know? And the people I know, probably don’t even care….but they all ‘Liked’ it!

I want to just be where I am, just doing what I’m doing, like the olden days. I’m going to try it and see how it goes. So far, it’s good, my brain doesn’t hurt any longer from all the short term attention spans I was giving it. It was almost like electrical shock waves. I really think the brain is designed for longer attention spans. My mind feels good when I meditate, when I read, when I have a deep conversation, when I write, have a deep connection with someone…things of that nature.

I had a babysitter come over and I asked if she wanted a book or a magazine, she said, “No, I have my phone.” It’s so rare to see people read these days! When I’m done with this blog, I’ll be reading my book. Today, I saw my 10 year old enjoying Sidney Sheldon’s, Where The Sidewalk Ends and I thought, wow, what a lost art. My daughter reads and writes….it’s so ancient, so beautiful, so connected, so intelligent, so pure and so powerful. She and I remain each others teachers.

Peace be still.

~Jill

So tonight when I told my daughter (for the 3rd time or so) it was time for bed, she got upset and wouldn’t listen. She wanted to keep doing what she was doing because she felt it was more important than going to bed. (She made whipped cream and was still playing around with it.) She raised her voice a bit and stormed off (at least it was to brush her teeth). I could hear her brushing really, really vigorously. I guess she was trying her best to deal with herself and the negative energy she had created. Her brush hit her gum very hard and she started crying. I wasn’t surprised that there was a new drama born out of the on going one, it usually works that way. I got a bit sucked into the drama and felt angry, disrespected, etc. I did however comfort her when she got hurt, even though the hurt was self induced. When we went into her bedroom the drama continued, the crying, the pity party, “I can’t do anything right, no one likes me…” and on and on and on. Parenting does have it’s challenges doesn’t it? My first response was to put her on punishment as a result of her behavior. The energy of us was opponents. I’m the adult and I’m gonna handle this the good old fashioned way. Let me say, I’m a meditator and energy worker and I didn’t like how I FELT about the entire dynamic. It didn’t feel effective and something just felt off to me. So, I quieted my mind, relaxed my body and intended to really feel into what was going on.  I could see right away what was really going on. She was scared that she was in trouble. So, she created a huge decoy disguised as drama. I’m so grateful I saw this otherwise we would have been up very late with too many words and tears and who can sleep when they’re so upset?  I like my child to go to bed happy so she can meet her world the next day with the best version of herself. So, I asked her if she’s scared that she’s in trouble? She said, yes. I rubbed her little head and told her she wasn’t. Huge shift. Her tears and drama immediately stopped. She said, “I’m not, are you sure?” I reassured her that she wasn’t. I also told her I can see that some things need to change though and I’m the adult and it’s my responsibility to make the appropriate changes and rules in order for you to get to bed in time to wake up refreshed and on time for school.  I told her all baking needs to be done on a non-school night as well as any screen time. We hugged, we read a sweet book, did some deep breathing exercises to clear her mind and she fell asleep. Tomorrow will have it’s new set of challenges, (or some reoccurring ones), but when we take a deep breath and do our best to handle it from a high place, I believe we create a lot of light, move through it much quicker and are more effective.

I do hope this was of some help to someone out there.

Peace & blessings. Jill

It’s so interesting, my quest, like many others I assume, is/has been the quest for spirituality. During my quest for ‘spirituality’, a term loosely used by many, I’ve come to realize, what I really was searching for was my true essence and feeling a strong connection with that and therefore feeling comfortable in my own skin so I could connect with the powers that be…and therefore, shine, understand life and live a purposeful and joyful life. During my search I’ve pretty much mastered the art of mediation and I’ve learned about the chakra system and became an energy healer. I’m now going to talk about the chakra system. Many may think that the upper chakras are more important. But let me tell you, they are set up how they are for a reason, like everything in life. Let me break it down this way: It’s hard to feel connected to the vastness of the whole and feel empowered  if you don’t have a place to lay your head or knowing where your next meal will come from. You see, our 1st chakra is how we connect with the earth and connecting with the earth is as important as connecting to the heavens. You MUST feel safe and a sense of belonging, this is a form of power. I can’t emphasis enough how being strongly grounded is the basis for a strong and balanced spiritual practice and practical life. When we are connected to the earth we are logical, we are capable, we can respond to life as life calls upon us. The 2nd chakra helps us to feel the sensuality of this material world. Believe it or not, when you see a beautiful flower or sunset, your 2nd chakra is connected with that. The 3rd chakra helps us to shine out who we are and pull in the radiance that vibes with us. The 4th chakra connects the lower and upper chakras. When our heart is open, people feel warmth just being around us. (This is good for our immune system.) This is the bridge between the material/physical world and the higher realms of consciousness. Now don’t get me wrong, the upper chakras are equally important, in fact, they are magical. To me it’s where out super powers come in. But for your system to be totally effective all the chakras need to be balanced and open. The 5th chakra is our power center of creating what we want. As we speak, we create. The 6th is our 3rd eye chakra, our inner seeing. It helps us to see things as they really are, not as they appear. the crown chakra or the 7th chakra is our connection to the Divine, to the heavens, to our higher selves. The chakra system  is designed as a fountain that runs upwards, each one needing eachother. I believe a balanced brain helps to create and maintain a balanced system. However an energy or chakra balancing session can help to get you back on track.

I am going to share now what happens to me when my 1st chakra isn’t balanced. I feel unsafe, scared, a bit jittery, not relaxed and maybe some anxiety…not fun! In the last 48 hrs something took place that has kind of swept me off my feet sort of speak. Now that I’m an energy healer I know which chakra is off in myself. Since I’ve been ungrounded I cut my finger (cut right through my nail) while chopping carrots, dropped a book on my foot (the corner of it hit the tender, delicate part of the top of my foot), and hurt my hands in 2 spots. It’s not fun for me not to be grounded, i’m not myself and I loose my power or my footing you could say. So, let me warn you, when you don’t feel grounded, please stop and breathe and GO SLOWLY. Life can be dangerous in this state of ungroundedness. Today I had time to go to my Bikram Yoga class, take a hot epsom salt bath, read a spiritually uplifting book, slow down and just take good care of myself. I needed that and I’m starting to feel a bit more like myself. I have tremendous compassion for people who’s energy can get out of whack, especially if they have no one to call upon as sometimes that happens to me. Life is basically an eco system and for me, the most important thing is that my body stays in balance so I can thrive.

I hope this can be of help. If it can help at least one person, I’ve done my job of sharing. My intention to help others from what I’ve learned. We all help each other.

Please don’t hesitate to write if you have questions or comments.
With tremendous gratitude,

Jill

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