Relationship status: complicated. For most of my adult life, this has been my relationship status. Thank God Facebook came up with that option because.. #relateable! Anyway, back to the title. As a child I longed for and yearned painfully for my dads attention. I thought it was my oxygen, I literally felt like I was choking without it, dying inside. Unnoticed. The meaning I made; unnoticed = worthless. Poor guy was addicted to drugs and alcohol so he couldn’t be present. It had nothing to do with me but at the time I didn’t know that.
As a young adult, oh the choices I made from a worthless place….not good! But we won’t get into all that because I was a different person back then.

As I started to have relationships with men, I first thought if a man is jealous then that must mean he really loves me! It felt like an intense form of attention but shortly realized I felt smothered. My first 2 significant relationships were with tremendously jealous men. I had a couple relationships after that that were healthier but still lacked in many important areas. Now I’m single and 47 and find my inner child still longing for attention from a man. I’m not going to deny it, I maybe scarred but no longer blind to it. I now have a healthy remedy. Meditation. I’m very grateful that I developed this strong practice which helps me connect to God, my Maker. The Heavenly Father. I realize that I have God’s attention and He has mine. With that relationship comes so much goodness! Wholeness, health, peace, blessings of all sorts, the list can go on. I think you get the idea. I felt moved to share this with anyone else out there longing for a mate, attention, etc. Having God’s attention and vise versa is where you want to be! I know my right relationship is in the future making it’s way to me and me to it but in the meantime, I’m good. I’m content. And when I’m not, I remember the Truth and I sit.

photo of person covered with brown textile

Photo by Noelle Otto on